We’ll Get ‘Em Next Time
““Then, boom! Hundreds of thousands of naruto runners storm the castle: the one and only Area 51””
Imagine you’re watching Lincoln County, Nevada from a mile up in the sky. There is a sense of imminence, inevitability, idiocy. Then, boom! Hundreds of thousands of Naruto runners storm the castle: the one and only Area 51. Officially an Air Force base, currently a fort being overrun by a few alien enthusiasts but mostly monster-loaded Kyles and soccer mom Karens.It’s crazy, right? Well, just take a look at what happened on September 20th. The answer is...
Right, it’s crazy. The long-awaited plan for the attack on the mysterious site, commonly called the “Area 51 Raid,” fell apart as only a tiny fraction of the two million hypebeasts who pledged their attendance on Facebook actually showed up in front of the base. And even the 3000 or so that appeared weren’t “armed to the teeth” or ready to serve as “rock throwers.” In fact, the majority of them were there to enjoy the scene, party a little–except for that one Canadian who was arrested for urinating on the base–and, in wholesome terms, came because they “just wanted to see people like us.” Instead of the glorious scene of Naruto runners weaving through government officials to save E.T., a modest party was thrown instead. In the celebration, there was a cliché countdown–assumed by the Earthlings to be to the beginning of the party, but perhaps it was to, oh I don’t know...the last hope of E.T. to ever be rescued?
Oh, well. I suppose it’ll take a few more centuries for the Earthlings to find us. Meanwhile, look at this guy!
By: Seoyoon Kwon
